A Journey Through Life

A Psychedelic Exploration Into Self

Throughout most of my life, I was stranded. Stranded in isolation within my mind. Always in battle with the thoughts that continuously roamed throughout my head. Between the existential questioning, self-doubts, limiting beliefs, and suicidal ideation, I was frozen in a place that had no possible way of escape. Through so many years of my life I had been searching for a way out, a way to step outside of my suffering, a way to finally find peace. I knew that desire would lead me to two different roads, one that ended abruptly, and another that forced me to step out into the world to learn how to master my Self.

Now I am 31 years old, and I know I will move through so many more beautiful experiences as I continue to explore this life, but what I have come across so far, I believe, is something special. Something that needs to start being shared now.. It all started with that one question, to end it all, or learn how to master it all. Once I made the decision to push forward, I knew there was no going back. I had to prove I could make it to the end, and I might as well do the impossible until then and beat this depression.

And so it began, the journey inward. With therapy proving to offer little results, I knew I had to take it into my own hands. If I couldn’t figure out how I worked as a human being I would never be able to step outside the identity of a depressed person, and I couldn’t remain the way I was. And so I was determined. I started reading book after book. I read books like Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, Letting Go by David R. Hawkins, and expanded into reading all about the Hermetic Philosophy and other occult practices. I listened to hundreds of hours of Ram Dass lectures. Each minute of it all leading me into a better understanding of myself in both a spiritual and truthful way. As I learned more, I began implementing various mental and physical practices into my life. These experiences allowed me to explore in ways that seemed to lead me in the direction of figuring out who “I” was.

But it wasn’t until I started working with the Psilocybin Mushroom that I began to take strides and leaps down the path I had naturally found myself on, the path to understanding my existence. And it all sounds overdone, like I am over dramatizing this whole thing. But I assure you, it was exactly this deep. I literally couldn’t continue to exist unless I figured this all out and, in divine timing, the mushrooms woke me right up.

First, it was the profound opportunity to feel pure love and gratitude for what seemed like the first time in my life. To feel something this beautiful after having been caught up in deep states of depression and dissociation was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I almost instantly felt a sense of true hope, that what I had been working towards was becoming real. Then, as I continued to work with psilocybin, I moved through a few extremely transformational journeys that allowed me to experience everything I had come to understand as true. It was the ability to become one with that which Is. To be the experience rather than the experiencer. All the pieces were falling into place in my mind. I realized that we are all in fact a part of God.

And no, not a guy in the clouds, at least that’s not how I mean it in this context. What I mean is that we are within the mind of God. Within the intelligent consciousness that permeates everything that exists, and is everything that exists. We are God experiencing what it means to exist. Everything is in God, nothing can be outside of God. It is All. We are witnessing ourselves through every perspective. The cells of the entirety.

But now what? Though my entire perspective on reality completely shifted from here, I was still stuck being me, only now knowing I’m a manifestation of God. I realized that no matter how profound that understanding was, I still needed to uncover more of the truth. I needed to ultimately reverse engineer myself so I could take control of who I am. So now I was God playing out as Rory, who is studying himself to understand how he works. The witness of the witness of the actor per say.

This is when it starts getting interesting.

So, one random day, in a parking lot outside of Kohl’s, I was approached by a wonderful young woman, named Kristina Ellery. She came and tapped on my car window after we had separately checked out, left the store, and walked towards our cars only to realize we were parked right next to each other. I got in my car before she approached me. She told me she worked with sacred plant medicine and gave me her card. That of Sacred Earth Sanctuary a psilocybin church in Massachusetts.

After a week, I sent her an email and we connected and got tea. There was an instant connection that built into a relationship. But that’s not important. What is important is that for the past 3 years I have helped Kristina run the church. I am now the associate minister and have facilitated countless ceremonies and have created the deepest personal connection to the mushroom and Spirit, all while helping others along their paths. I tell you this because it puts into perspective the journey I have followed. It’s unconventional and devoted to the greatest project of my life, myself and the understanding of it All… But let’s go back to when I started working with Kristina & the mushroom more often.

My intention of understanding who I was had shifted into understanding simply how I was. How I was feeling, how I was thinking, how I was being through everything in life? I had to bring my awareness into myself, in a different direction, to start to see the workings of my mind. And so, I continued to investigate myself, microdosing often, and sitting with larger dose journeys every so often to deepen my exploration. I found the mushroom turned out to be an ally, an intelligent being that was blending in with me to experience life as a human, just as we are experiencing life through the mushroom when we connect. Together we offered insight and understanding, the sacrament allowed me to see myself, to witness my mind without restriction but rather with curiosity.

An important part to note through all of this is, that each bit of this exploration of Self led me to an undeniable connection with Spirit. With God. With whatever it is you want to call it. And that spiritual connection has been the reason everything has slowly been falling into place. I realize that all of the deepest questions are theories, but it is more about what you believe that creates your reality. And thus, I realized that everything is true if you believe it to be. Just as everything would be false if you believe it that way. Nobody can prove anything for sure and most theoretical science is reinforcing the spiritual experience these days as it is. But besides that, I saw something. The truth that our beliefs create our realities. A door had opened.

As I began to identify with the witness of my mind more and more, the observation of my thoughts started to gather together to uncover various patterns that were taking place. I looked within those patterns and dug down to the roots of them to uncover the programming throughout it all. Each and every bit was and is a program. I had come to the core of it by reverse engineering the symptoms. It was now time to play.

When you understand the program, you can code it how you want. Each thing, a construct of the mind, and it all leads me back into myself. To be the observational awareness working with the mind and body to experience. The mind is naturally programmed to protect and serve but is always fighting to become the master even though it’s never quite ready. I see that life can become anything you want when you can take control of your mind and come into alignment with the laws of the universe. I see that God is slowly realizing himself through each one of our eyes and through all that exists on this physical realm.

Psilocybin has been my partner, my ally, leading me into the depths of myself through this journey of life.

I am just now stepping into a place where I am creating and expanding, but even there I have uncovered the secrets. Or at least some of them. I have completely transformed from someone who was depressed, someone who was never meant to survive, and came out on the other side knowing the in's and out's of who I am and how to become whatever I want to. But the biggest realization to me right now, is the secret of understanding yourself and how to control your mind for your own benefit and the benefit of others.

When I work with psilocybin now I connect with it with the intention to program myself at a faster pace than without it. It’s helped me to beat major anxiety, and major depression. Things I didn’t think I would ever step out of. And I’ve seen it transform people’s lives completely in a matter of months compared to years and years of antidepressants and therapists that unfortunately never get you where you want to be. At least if you look at the truth of it.. But these days it seems that’s just how the system works anyways.

So yeah. I’m pretty sure I’ve found something groundbreaking. It isn't psilocybin alone, but rather the understanding of the mind and how to take control of it to manifest the reality you desire. This is something that I believe is going to transform the way we approach mental health and being human.

And I think that’s a big part of it all. We are really just learning how to be human intentionally rather than walking around in a constant unconscious reality. I set out to uncover how to do this because I believe it should be common knowledge, something we all have been taught to do, but for some reason no one seemed to know how. I feel it’s time for us to pull our power back. To see what’s really going on. Because my only way of survival before was to be numbed down by antidepressant medication and therapy; until I decided I needed to do something about it myself. And just by devoting my will to investigating into me so I could understand who and how I am, I have uncovered and experienced more than I ever dreamt possible. In fact I never even thought I would live this long.

I have learned how to actually do it. How to navigate this existence as a human, and how to step out from being a depressed person. And of course, I know that at the same time, I know nothing and am always learning. But that is the point. And each and every one of us must take the steps needed to heal ourselves so we can simultaneously create a better world. We have to take the steps to fully integrate ourselves consciously.

Unfortunately enough, no one really knows how to do that. Well, now I do. And I am in the process of uncovering more every day. I love to teach others how to be able to do all of this. I teach the process that leads you to your true self. And through that process we can all level up and take control of our lives and have some fun. So, let’s connect. Many of us are pushing through mental health struggles and it’s time we actually do something about it. We need to take our power back, and this is how we do it. It’s time to step into who we really are. We are ready for a shift in consciousness.

The truth behind it is, that I can't say I would be where I am without working with the psilocybin mushroom. Its transformational experiences are unlike any other, if done with intention and proper integration. It has been the looking glass into my soul. The translater between me and God. The mushroom has shown to be an intricate intelligence that allows us to see through the illusions that are pressed upon us from both external and internal forces. It has allowed me to finally understand myself and step into a place of self-acceptance. The mushroom has been my greatest guide, leading me to a place of understanding how to guide others home.

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The Deep Dive.

To observe all that exists is to witness the greatness of Spirit. There is no separation between one thing and another, only the illusion of it when the eyes are clouded. Within the written articles of this blog rests a single perspective of what could be. As we will never know the absolute truths that exist, these writings express what has been understood on my path towards God. And no I don't mean a man in the clouds. Unless that's your thing.